Love and Relationships

Investing in Yourself

We seem to have no qualms about investing in our friends, family, kids or careers. We will invest in our companies, our employees, our properties and finances, but for some reason investing in ourselves seems to be something we are not so good at.

Investing in ourselves is about more than just devoting time and money to our appearance, our wardrobe and our physical fitness and health. The most neglected area of ‘us’ is usually related to our emotional and psychological wellbeing and self-esteem.

Life coaching is a fantastic platform for people who have not previously invested in their psychological wellbeing in any meaningful or sustained way. Many people are working harder than ever to keep their current job or business alive, but the time this takes leaves other areas of their life wanting. Of course, we only have so many resources as human beings, and to a certain extent some imbalance is inevitable, but those who choose to invest some of that time and energy in themselves and their self-esteem will find dealing with tough times much easier.

We are constantly told to invest in property, in the stock market, in a pension, yet one of the best and long-lasting investments we can ever make is to invest in our self. Regardless of the area of your life you feel needs the most focus, personal development and growth come from goal-setting, actions that help achieve this, and positive thinking.

Not only are our values the reasons behind our life choices; in any relationship, shared values are the key to longevity. Yet many of us do not even know what some of our most fundamental values are. To understand more about your core values, try the following exercise.

Rate how important to you each of the below are on a scale of 1-3 (1 being extremely important):

  • –       Health
  • –       Appearance
  • –       Friendship
  • –       Social life
  • –       A variety of interests and activities
  • –       Marriage
  • –       Having children
  • –       A stable relationship
  • –       A passionate relationship
  • –       Ability to devote time to family/children
  • –       Freedom and independence
  • –       A fulfilling career
  • –       A financially comfortable life
  • –       Independence
  • –       Creativity
  • –       Freedom to create, change and choose my own lifestyle
  • –       House ownership
  • –       Spirituality and religion
  • –       To contribute to my community or to charity – the greater good
  • –       To be remembered for my accomplishments
  • –       Helping those in distress
  • –       Abundance of leisure time
  • –       A stable life
  • –       Solitude
  • –       Roots in the place I live

Now, take a look at each of those you have rated as being ‘extremely important’. These are the things you will never be fully satisfied without. By acting in accordance with your values, you will start to attract people with a similar mindset. You and your partner do not have to share all the same values, or share the same timeframe (for example, your partner may also want kids, but they may want to focus on another area of life first) but it is very important that a future partner has similar values to you, so you can live together and be happy.

It is not uncommon to both crave and fear affection at the same time. This disorganised attachment pattern is shown by people who want to achieve a real emotional closeness with a partner, but fear opening up and getting too close to someone who then has the power to reject them. In this situation, relationships often do not work because one of the people in the relationship has needs that cannot be fulfilled. For example, they crave closeness but select someone who is unable to provide this; someone who is cold or emotionally unavailable.

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Psychotherapist and Expert in Relationships, couples therapy, relationship guidance, self-development, self-growth, marriage and family advicer. Founder of Seventy Thirty, the first Exclusive Luxury #Matchmaking Company, finding life partners for #affluent #single people. Co-Author of The Mottos book.

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